shoulder

open your heart and search for a happy exit

don’t be afraid of being alone  ‘coz we’re behind you

even if we go our separate ways in the future

we have to always remember your first dream.

fingers crossed

you can choose your future, the concept of your life.

i’m doing well. i’m a fine person.

trust yourself. look into the mirror.

with the light glimmering around you as you smile..

 

there could be sad memories that make you cry.

don’t forget that you have a shoulder to lean on in this world.

i’ve the whole world in my heart.

let’s keep running, for tomorrow, for our future,

to become a shining light under the sun.

 

he always has a secret but it’s easy to find answers.

dance with me. just move your body to the music.

don’t be afraid. you don’t have to fear anything except fear itself..

there could be sad memories that make you cry.

 

i’m the one who’ll start and end it.

let there be light and become a shining star.

the sun is welcoming me with rays of light.

i just need one umbrella and that’ll be fine.

 

don’t hide your tears from me.

you can lean on my shoulder and cry out loud.

looking at the crimson red sky setting in the sky..

it’s a spectacle that the heaven has given me.

 

there is no end. a bright future lies ahead of you.

the sun bathes me with its warm light under the blue sky.

i just need one umbrella and that’ll be fine,

to become a shining light under the sun.

 

the sun is welcoming me.. rays of light..

SAY NO TO QUITTING

Don’t give up…

One day I decided… I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality…
I wanted to quit my life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
“God,” I asked, “can you give me one good reason not to quit?”
His answer surprised me.

“Look around,” He said. “Do you see the fern and the bamboo?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I give them light and water. The fern quickly grow from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet, nothing comes from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. “

In the second year, the fern grew grow more vibrant and plentiful. Again, nothing comes from the bamboo seed. “But I did not quit on the bamboo, ” He said.

In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. “But I would not quit. “

In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. “I would not quit,” He said.

Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern, it was seemingly small and insignificant…

“But just six months later, the bamboo rose to over a hundred feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. “

“I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.”
He asked me. “Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots? “

“I would not quit on the bamboo. “

“I will never quit on you.”

“Don’t compare yourself to others,” He said. “The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful.”

“Your time will come”, God said to me. “You will rise high.”
“How high should I rise?” I asked.
“How high will the bamboo rise?” He asked in return.
“As high as it can?” I questioned.
“Yes.” He said, “Give me glory by rising as high as you can.”

I left the forest and brought back this story.
I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.
Never give up.
For the Christian Prayer is not an option but an opportunity.
Don’t tell the Lord how big the problem is,
tell the problem how Great the Lord is!

 

the power of a hug

There’s something in a simple hug
That always warms the heart;
It welcomes us back home
And makes it easier to part.

A hug’s the way to share the joy
And sad times we go through,
Or just a way for friends to say
they like you ’cause you’re YOU.

Hugs are meant for anyone
for whom we really care-
From your grandma to your neighbor,
Or a cuddly teddy bear.

A hug is an amazing thing—
It’s just the perfect way
to show d love we’re feeling
But can’t find words to say.

It’s funny how a little hug
Makes everyone feel good;
In every place and language,
It’s always understood.

And hugs don’t need equipment,
Special batteries, or parts–
Just open up your arms
And open up your hearts.

________JIM WOLF________

STAINLESS LONGGANISA

ito’y hindi ang unang pagkakataon.. makailang ulit ko na rin itong basahin ngunit ngayon ko lang talaga ito napagnilay-nilayan ng maigi.. sumagi lang sa aking isipan ang nakaraan.. tila bangungot na nagpabaga sa upos ng pangarap na minsan ko nang tinalikuran.. naghahabol hindi upang manira, bagkus upang magpaalala ng kahapong pinilit pagtaguan..

(haha, nadaragdagan pa ngayon itong sumisiklab na emosyon dahil sa himig na aking pinakikinggan – Canon in D)

stainless longganisa.. noon pa man ay hindi ko na masagap ang nais ipahiwatig ng mga salitang ito.. hanggang sa emosyon ko lang ito naintindihan – isang senyales na mababaw pa lamang ang aking pang-unawa.. sa kadahilanang hindi ko pa maisabuhay sa papel ang emosyon..

pagsulat.. halaga.. kapasidad.. minsan nang binuksan ang aking pang-unawa sa dunong ng literatura.. ang inyong lingkod mismo ay hindi rin makapaniwala ng mga sandaling iyon.. ngunit tila pinakisamahan ng tadhana nang ako ay mabiyayaan ng oportunidad upang mas lalong mahasa at makilala ang bubot pang abilidad.. ngunit ito ay naisantabi nang ako’y maglayag.. lingid sa aking kaalaman tila anay na palang ginigiba ang mga pader ng kaalaman.. ang pundasyon na ilang taong pinagsikapan ay nanatili sa baybay ng nakaraan at tuluyang humalo sa dalampasigan.. at ako, nagpaanod sa mga alon ng pagbabago, nagpadalus-dalos at nalunod sa karagatan ng kawalan..

stainless longganisa.. ngayon, ito ay muling kuminang.. nag-anyayang muling magpanday.. nagpapaalalang magpakailan siyang hindi tatalaban ng kalawang.. pagal man ang katawan, tuluyan pa ring magsasabuhay ng pangarap gamit ang pluma at papel.. iwan man ng liwanag ng araw at magkubli sa likod ng pahina pagsapit ng dilim.. hindi mabubugto ang longganisang tangan,sapagkat, mag-aalab muli ang ilaw-dagitab sa lansangan..

stainless longganisa.. kung isa ka man sa mga tulad ko, alam kong batid mo ang rason kung bakit hindi na kailangang sabihin pa ang nais ipahiwatig ng mga salitang ito.

alaala blg 3

inatake na naman ako. hindi magkamayaw sa palakpakan ang pulso ng aking katawan. tila ‘bump car’ ang pagkalabog ng dibdib with pa-’hysterical effect.’ uuwi na ako. at last!

☺☺☺☺☺

sa sobrang excitement, isinama ko ang sarili sa siyudad para mag-’last minute shopping.’ para may maiuwi naman ako. ass0rted ha.. san-o ‘expiry date’ cnaaw? uhmm.. uhuh.. ahH?? uhmm.. ok.. ok.. cancel n lng order nang. kanugon b.. (WAIT!!) ah?? uhmm.. OK AH. after a century, ntapos din naman ako. kina dya-ne na ako tumuloy. that’s another story.

☺☺☺☺☺

AHHHH!!!! ayoko na umuwi (mangiyak-ngiyak na ang mga naniningkit na mata). pero, dahil na-’conscious,’ pinigil na lang ang namumuong tensiyon sa pagitan ng dalawang personalidad (baliw talaga ako) at idinaan na lang sa pagtulog ang pangamba.

☺☺☺☺☺

goodbye. i’ll hibernate for a while. doon na nagsimula ang mongheng pag-iisip. daig pa ang mga “kaibigan” sa pamumundok. ikinulong ko ang sarili (gusto pa kasi magpapwersa). i regained my orig skin tone that time. sandali lang naman. di ko namalayan, minsang nagtagpo ang landas namin ng haring araw. “patagalan?” “deal.” ayun, nasayang ang matagal na pagtatago. tustado na naman ang balat.

☺☺☺☺☺

musta na?! dito na ako. di ka kasi nakapunta. meet tau? saan? dunkin, 4pm. ok.

☺☺☺☺☺

hindi pwede sa bahay. under renovation kami ngayon. natapos na ang ilang araw sa confirmation, nakapag-ubos na ng ilang “load,” at natuto na ngang kausapin maging ang tuko sa kisame sa tagal ng mga “reply”.. dec 27 08. pristine. 8 AM. (d night before dec 27..) kalayaan na lang. dala “leftovers” nung “Christmas.” 8 AM. Capitol. (kinabukasan..) alas onse ng umaga. saan ka na kritch? diretso ka na lang kila — ok. (pagdating..) bayad Php 100. sino mamamalengke? (tumahimik ang lahat.. matapos ang isang dekada..) “Geh, ako na.”

yuuki [courage]

the wind blows across the hot desert,

and the horizon is shrouded by the dust storm.

not eating or drinking for a week,

i was thinking,

“is this the end?”

lightning flashing on the black sea,

with strong turbulent waves.

on the ship with the broken mast,

i was thinking,

“is this the end?”

courage whispered to me.

it said, “you can’t succumb, hang in there.”

pautwas blg. 3

what is IDEAL??

LIVING… or SURVIVING life??

HIS EYES

Who am I?

That the Lord of all the earth,

Would care to know my name,

Would care to feel my hurt.

Who am I?

That the bright and morning star,

Would choose to light the way,

For my ever wandering heart.

Bridge:

Not because of who I am,

But because of what you’ve done.

Not because of what I’ve done,

But because of who you are.

Chorus:

I am a flower quickly fading,

Here today and gone tomorrow,

A wave tossed in the ocean,

A vapor in the wind.

Still you hear me when I’m calling,

Lord, you catch me when I’m falling,

And you’ve told me who I am.

I am yours.

I am yours.

Who am I?

That the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love

And watch me rise again.

Who am I?

That the voice that calmed the sea,

Would call out through the rain,

And calm the storm in me.

Whom shall I fear?

Whom shall I fear?

‘Cause I am yours.

I am yours.

☼☼☼

It hurts to realize you love the wrong way. Too paralyzed to live and decide on your own. Worst, everything bottled up inside me. Bursting would also mean letting go (partly) – something I think I can’t.

 

I am too ideal to accept the truth; too scared to face reality. I just can’t – I don’t want.

 

I love him – too precious to me that I had never realized that he has become my standard in life, ‘til recently.

☼☼☼

I saw and appreciated things through his eyes.

Since i was small, he had taught me to appreciate everything around me – from the first dew i see in every leaf each morning to the last firefly i could see at night; from the first thing i saw as the sun rise to the very last breath i could remember before i fall asleep.

He explained to me who God is, how He created everything i see, including myself, and how He loves and takes good care of everything.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

“to everything there is a season,

and a time for every purpose,

under the heaven.”

He had taught me how to pray, why i need to pray, and who i’ll be praying for. He made me see the spiritual reality – through his eyes.

☼☼☼

I considered him a stranger, friend, brother, father, and mentor. I look up to him as someone of great authority and wisdom – a gift that only few could have.I see in him a person of great understanding, sympathy, loyalty and faith.

I have seen him sacrifice for others – giving all he could despite his own incapability. I have seen his sympathy – every tears he shed secretly to others, every moan of agony and pain as he witnessed others’. I have been there as he uplifted other people’s souls and lives – directing it to the right path. I have seen many, that i am overwhelmed knowing him and being with him.

☼☼☼

It is of great pride that i acknowledge him. I saw life as something challenging to face as long as he’s by my side, as long as i’ll follow him, as long as i’ll remember what he did, as long as i’ll love him. I grew up with my head raised knowing he’s by my side.

☼☼☼

I learned to love because he had taught me to – that God had taught him to. Again, i saw things through his eyes.

☼☼☼

I always thought i’m on the right track, until i woke up one morning, realizing that i love him the wrong way. I misinterpreted it all, destroying my life and the other’s (things that i thought won’t happen). I had loved God only because he said so; i sympathize with others, only because i saw do so; i made a track only to see that it’s not my own. I love him too much that i saw all things in his eyes, not mine. In the end, i realized that my humble dad became my idol – something that he himself never tolerate and believe.

☼☼☼

Scenery i once appreciated shattered. Like the huge puzzle my dad and i once constructed when i was small, it needs to be build up once more. But now, i need to do it alone – or maybe not with him.

☼☼☼

All my life, i have questioned myself of my purpose, my essence as a person. My dad used to say that it is to God we need to offer our lives.

For many years, i’ve trampled down. In every fall, i would remembered, i know i had stood up. In every questions and prayer of doubts i had uttered, i remembered, i know there came the answers. How? Why? Who?

☼☼☼

Recently i have watched a movie, “Facing the Giants.” Like never before, i saw something i had never seen before – a new piece of the puzzle. but it’s a different one. That moment, i was struck by something – something spiritual i can’t explain. Then, i realized, i’m starting to see things, not through my own – like what i longed for – but through HIS.

☼☼☼

In almost two decades, i have been requesting to know who i am and for God to show me my purpose. I know it’s not that easy – still paralyzed and doubtful right now since that i’m taking this path without my dad. But, i’m trying – i want to. I’ve wasted enough – i don’t want to destroy it all.

SO HELP ME GOD.

 

pagkaing pangkaisipan

whatever comes our way, whatever battle we have raging inside us, we always have a choice.. we need to choose to be the best of ourselves. it’s the choices that make us who we are. and we can always choose to do  what’s right. – Spiderman

if you can’t cry, then talk.. coz there are things and emotions that need to be shared.. feelings that if told can soothe the pain you feel inside.. if you can’t talk.. then cry.. coz there are things and emotions that you can’t just express.. feelings that no words can fit to describe..

the real art of cnvrsation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also, to live unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment..

it s not the strongestof the species that survives, nor the intelligent, but the one most responsive to change..

2 of the hardest tests in life: the patience to wait for the right moment.. and the courage to accept that you’ve waited for nothing.. – Charles Darwin