hundreds of steps
“usapang panyapak.. sunod ka lang”
12 February 2012, 00:03 AM, God revealed that this tagline, which I always share to others as my journey, is in fact His command for me.
I no longer depend on the poem “Footprints in the Sand.” I do not mean it is wrong, only, I come to let go of my dependence to her story. It was Mary Stevenson’s journey with Jesus Christ. Indeed, I am one who got inspiration from her poem; her testimony of faith as pillow of comfort whenever I feel alone and in pain. But I believe that every Christian, in time, can find his true inspiration based on his own JOURNEY OF FAITH. Only then, can one be witness of God, like Mary, to others.
http://www.footprints-inthe-sand.com/index.php?page=Main.php
Mine is a stairway. I was born with the response to take a step – like knowing I should breathe. Since the day I was able to distinguish right from wrong, I have known the two options I had – to take a step higher or lower. I developed the sense of sight, letting me see myself in the midst of the staircase. Out of either common sense or wishful thinking, I stepped up. Along the way, I encountered traps – waking my sense of touch, which made me lose balance, taking a few steps back. As I go down, my sight seemed to fail me that I would stumble further down as the steps got trickier. It was a great fall, making me cry for many long nights in pain, which turned on the Light up above the stairs.
Feeling safer with the Light, I stood up to check where I fell. There, I saw more steps down into the depths of darkness, same with the steps up towards the Light – both sides seemed to be infinite as an unknown end. With the Light I knew it was definitely the way up, so I took the step higher hopeful to be near the Light. As I escalated, the more visible the stairs became: I saw the stairs designed to exactly fit my steps; it was wide enough to be travelled alone; and that it becomes heavier like pressure and gravity multiplied as I step higher. One day I ponder to a stop and weigh everything that has happened. At the end I came up with two points: first, that something desperately wants to pull me down, afraid for me to be near the Light; and second, with the fear to fall in a greater impact this time, I definitely should go to the Light if I want to be freed from that ‘pull’ from below.
Knowing the reason to take a step, I found my purpose - to get closer to the Light. Each step became a mission, passionately fed by the Light, in sync with my every heartbeat. To feel my heart thumps for the Light awakened another sense - I am able to hear. I detected two pairs of feet walking up the stairs. I cannot see who accompanies me; still, I believe He is the One who turned on the Light for me. This hope makes the ‘pull’ feel less heavy. The fear of falling is now gone having faith that He will catch me if ever I slip or trip carelessly. It was yesterday, out of curiosity, that I tried looking back to see how far I am since I heard His steps getting closer to me. There below me I saw no one but my footprints on the stairs.
Convincing myself that I am indeed with Him, I was reminded by the story of the “Footprints in the Sand.” But it just doesn’t make sense because I can obviously hear two pairs of feet walking up the stairs, and more detectable than before. So how can He carry me?
All this time, He is steps ahead of me. It was the scent of air that made me hear the direction of His steps. His blood awakened my sense of smell. I even came to a halt to get a clearer view as I returned my sight upstairs. My knees weren’t able to stand the heaviness I felt, this time not because of the ‘pull’ but by the stairs itself. There is no stairway in the first place. What I thought was flight of stairs, is in truth the tracks of His bloody feet – molded to fit mine for somewhere He wants me to be. Sitting on my knees, I tried touching His footprints: it is dried up for a long time like it was already there even before I came to know my existence. With the same hands I used to wipe my tears, letting me taste both our bloods. The shock of knowing I gained another sense is nothing compared to the overwhelming feeling I felt realizing His blood tastes sweeter than honey while mine are like mud – dirty and extremely incomparable to Him. I am a living dust yet He shed His blood to leave His footprints behind for me.
You are just steps ahead of me. That is why I only see a pair of tracks as I look back. I am overstepping Your footprints as guide. With my passion intensifying, I started to walk – now appreciating with praises and thanksgiving each step I take. I can feel my senses functioned as a body, thus, being able to see You. Your back I am facing. Your steps are more distinct than ever. Your feet are extremely far from mine. How many more steps? I do not care to know. I am already overflowing with gladness just to know You are hundreds of steps ahead – making sure I can be in the place you are guiding me to.
To feel pain in my journey only proves that Jesus Christ died on the cross not to carry me. He made me walk on my own to be awakened by the Truth that only He can open my senses; He left His footprints as the Way to direct my steps; and He is the Light that guided me all along, letting me see the only direction to the life free from pain. I am born to follow.
ilaw-dagitab
